Coke hero to Coke Zero: the NUS makes yet another bold stand to defend students, with an attempt to ban SUs from consuming carbonated oppression

The National Executive Committee (NEC) of the National Union of Students has today made its boldest statement yet: as part of its ongoing battle against the sins of Israel, Zionism, and the Tories, the NEC has tabled a motion to boycott Coca-Cola.

Motion 11, found here, demands that the NEC “cut all ties” with the company – which currently sponsors the NUS Awards. This comes as a result of Coca-Cola’s membership of the Boycott, Divestment, and Sanctions campaign’s target list. The BDS movement aims to promote Palestinian interests by boycotting Israeli products, academics, scholarship, and soft drinks. Coca-Cola is based in Atlanta, Georgia – but the NEC must not let such trivialities dampen their fiery hearts.

The saccharine face of fascism

The saccharine face of fascism

Student Unions, ignorant of their own false consciousness, have reacted strongly to the NUS’ tireless work. 150 sabbatical officers have signed a petition demanding that the NEC reconsider. But the NEC, in its righteous crusade for Israel’s abolition and world peace, shall not be stopped.

If the NUS is to commit fully to this movement, it must also boycott all brands owned by Coca-Cola. These include the following:

  • Appletiser
  • Capri Sun
  • Nestea
  • Oasis
  • Relentless
  • Lilt
  • Monster
  • Sprite
  • Fanta
  • Schweppes
  • Dr. Pepper
  • Aquapure
  • Powerade
  • Minute Maid
  • Evian
  • Some Bacardi products
  • Innocent

No more smoothies for the NEC. One must also assume that the NEC intend to boycott any malicious, profiteering corporations complicit in the distribution of Israeli propaganda, such as Tesco, Sainsbury’s, and my local corner shop.

Benjamin Netenyahu, it is reported, spat out his Powerade upon being told the news, previously unaware of Coca Cola’s complicity in Zionism. The NUS’s spritely activity is on course to turn the West Bank into an oasis of peace, and innocent Palestinians will once again be liberated from the monster that is Israeli foreign policy.

In fact, this is not the first time Coca-Cola has been boycotted by a world power: in 1941, Germany also banned the importing of Coke’s ingredients. The resulting creation was Sparkling Orange Nazi Juice, or “Fanta”. Consequently, the NEC manages to undermine both Israeli terrorism and Adolf Hitler in one fell swoop. Excuse me whilst I swoon.

Reactions on Twitter have been mixed.

 

The BDS campaign’s website contains a list of all prohibited products, which include varieties of hummus, wine, electronics, carpets, and diamonds. The struggle to boycott my weekly procurement of the latter will be difficult, but doubtless worthwhile. A more comprehensive list, which includes Simon & Garfunkel, mathematics, and New Zealand, is available here.

The Coca Cola Company were unavailable for comment.

VERSA wishes the NUS all the best in its continued goals to support students, and represent their most important problems to the Government.

This article has 15 comments

  1. Silence! Mocking the NUS is a BANNABLE OFFENCE!!!

  2. Hahahahahaha I kept waiting for this article to reveal itself as some sort of parody but it’s actually serious isn’t it? Jesus wept you militant students are bloody hilarious, thank god the majority of you are sensible people looking for an education as opposed to you minority’s of modern day Wolfie Smiths looking for a cause

  3. Oxford Activist Network

    This post is only up because the “Zionists” control the media.

  4. So just to be clear, we think any sympathy with Israel is worth exclusion from our utopia, but we’re quite happy with enabling and giving a platform to proven ableist bullies. #intersectionality

  5. There is a VIOLENCE in this COLONIAL article!!! #VERSAMUSTFALL

  6. the silent majority

    No one cares #Teribamustfall

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  11. This website is *SO* bizarre..l

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