We’ve written a long poem for Nicola Sturgeon because she’s the dog’s bollocks

Ode to a Sturgeon

In twenty-fourteen, eighteenth of September
This Union of nations faced being dismembered
The Nationalist group, all dressed up in yellow

Were beaten at ballot by posh English fellows.

They raced to the border, embarrassed, disordered

To ask of the Scots, to praise them and laud them,
To keep in good health our dull status quo
And the kingdom united with Scotland in tow.

But just one year on, as Salmond departed

It now seems as if the battle’s just started
With Labour now tainted, the Scots, the curmudgeons,
Have found their true power through Nicola Sturgeon.

She promises money – betwixt north and south

SNP with, and SNP without
Health, pensions and schools, unis and jobs
Austerity over, let’s spend a few bob.

But Nicola’s Scottish, she’s wily and cunning

And ready to send three parties a-running
In fear for their prospects, their images at stake

Too many years of ‘Let them eat cake.’

Have caused this fiasco, constitutional crisis
Feared most of all, even more than ISIS.

[We’ll just have to wait, ‘til the votes are counted
The discussions discussed, the results to be sounded.
The party of Scotland, for I have no doubt,
Will come out the victors, the best to come out.]