VERSA | Oxford students win bidding war…for Corbyn’s used coffee cup

TW: a screenshot

In a shock move of political bipartisanship and cooperation, a cross-party coalition of students raised £83 for this noble cause. This proved over-enthusiastic, as their winning bid came to £51 – all of which is to go the charity Age UK. The coalition of students beat down 22 other bids which also sought the cup, but evidently were not as committed to the cause.

Almost as important as that time people bid for Britney’s used chewing gum…

The seller of the item promised to try and get the cup signed by the Red Menace Corbyn himself if bidding exceeded £50. VERSA is informed that this process is now underway. The cup is now to be sent Royal Mail postage for 99p to one member of the group. VERSA speculates as to how this ‘heirloom’ will be preserved, and who will actually keep the cup – as shared ownership is probably too socialist for most of the contributors.

Eleanor Sharman, co-ordinator and final purchaser of the cup, gave VERSA the following statement on behalf of participants: “We wanted to show Mr. Corbyn that free-market cupitalism can help the disadvantaged in many ways. We, too believe this country is on the cups of revolution, and – despite our liberal leanings – cupitulate to his analyses. We’re so proud to have cuptured this vessel. Of course, we intend to treat it with the respect it deserves: after all, it encupsulates the spirit of Corbynmania. Beloved Jeremy: oh cuptain, our cuptain.”

In the meantime, suggestions have been made by some members of the group concerning future use of the brown polystyrene cup which has touched the lips of the controversial Corbyn. Some argue for it be taken to OUCA’s infamous 8th-week Port and Policy social.

Discussions continue about crowdsourcing other polystyrene coffee cups used by politicians.

Watch out, Liz

VERSA applauds this show of charity and cooperation from Oxford students, and hopes it will prove a model for future cross-party political collaboration.