VERSA | Merton concedes defeat

Merton JCR has accepted it has no banter, and announced its intention to go back to work.

VERSA can reveal that the declaration of war was a somewhat misguided attempt by the Merton JCR Committee ‘to show the freshers that General Meetings can be fun (in spite of the reputation that Merton has hitherto acquired)’. Well that one backfired…

The place where fun goes to die has laid down its hypothetical weapons and recalled its fleet (consisting of three punts and 3 kayaks), with the rousing proclamation that ‘Mertonians have realised they are too busy with work to carry out any effective defence or attack.’ (Eat your heart out Winston Churchill). Olly Pateman, Admiral of the Fleet, was unavailable for comment on this development, owing to his being engaged in an essay crisis.

The somewhat bemused but ever cheerful Corpus has responded by suggesting that, instead of making wars, Merton just try distributing free pizza at General Meetings like they do.

Tags: corpus christi — defeat — Merton — merton street war