Versa | How to become Oxford’s #1 most hated

Insert your name here

Harness the power of the internet

The internet has a multiplier effect – just a few keyboard warriors are capable of creating an avalanche of shit that makes it look like there are thousands of people out there.

This can be made use of. Find someone who is an “activist”, likes to blog, or just generally sits around commenting (preferably viciously) on Oxford Facebook groups. Now, make them really, really want to destroy you.

It helps if they see a personal victory in doing so: a stepping stone to their dream job at the Guardian, perhaps. Or maybe they want to use it as a springboard into Westminster – an example of what they did to someone they didn’t agree with so they can get a pat on the head from their preferred party leader.

With this in mind, you don’t even need to be that offensive – you just need to say something that someone else would benefit from trying to rip you to shreds over.

A Facebook status is a great way to get yourself in people’s faces. It’s personal and it’s prominent. Alternatively, an article in a student newspaper can be effective: everyone loves to censor the press.

Have unconventional political views

And by unconventional, I mean fairly conventional. In Oxford there is nothing wrong with being a socialist or a green, having no political views, or, (at a push) a Blairite. If you’re not, look forward to being bashed over the head with a protest sign by a rampaging Wadhamite. Social conservatives, libertarians or (god forbid!) UKIP supporters, you’re in luck. Airing your political views will generate immediate intense hatred for your “disgusting” and “totally immoral” ideas like privatising the NHS or disagreeing with affirmative action.

People may even start to see you as a miniature version of the the “establishment” who needs to be destroyed. And your destruction is like a small, achievable win for “progress”. Never mind free speech and all that regressive rubbish.

You can even go all out and just say offensive things for the sake of it.

The personal is political

To invert and butcher a well-used feminist phrase: in Oxford, the political is personal. Disagree with people, get up in their grill and voila! They won’t just hate your opinions – they’re going to fucking hate you.

Mess with the stereotypes

Be a “misogynistic” woman. Be a gay person who doesn’t think they’re oppressed. Be a feminist UKIP-er…   You’ll really mess with people’s minds.

The conflict is simply too confusing for people (“But, like she should have known better!”). Because yeah, all people who share demographics think the same.

Be in a position of authority

“Tall poppy syndrome” is a social phenomenon where people of genuine merit are resented, attacked, cut down, or criticised because their talents or achievements elevate them above or distinguish them from their peers.

If you want to be persona non grata in Oxford, this helps. No one can be bothered hating on someone who doesn’t have any real power, and they are more likely to hate you if at some level they’re silently seething because you can do things that they can’t.

So, if you want to be hated, you’ll need to have a bit of power and authority.

Please don’t try this at home. If you do, Versa takes no responsiblity for your mental health or Google search results.