VERSA | Hacked off: Sullivan subject to Raine of terror as Union chat Spiros out of control

Last night on the Facebook page of estimable institution the Oxford Union, chaos broke out amongst Oxford’s elder hack scene. Words were said. People got cross. The carnage was gruesome.

The post in question was the Union’s apology over its now-infamous cocktail cockup. As VERSA observed, the apology included a note of thanks to the “Oxford branch of the Revolutionary Socialism in the 21st Century” group. The response to that was…predictable:

Aww. Young love.

Bless. Some lighthearted banter at the expense of student communists. We can all carry on with our respective evenings. But suddenly, Ben Sullivan (the honourable ex-President, Christ Church), strode into the fray:

But Barnaby, that’s SHOCKING.

Consider this some more free publicity, Barnaby. A pity about the ‘like’ ratio.

But, apropos de rien, a new name was mentioned. A name known only in whispers at OUCA events (which he still frequents) – a name echoed through the corridors of…well, not quite power, but you get the picture.

Was it a bird? Was it a plane? No, it was (lower your expectations) notorious “Cherwell” columnist and political enigma Zachary Spiro.

Zachary? Zachary “too sexist for OUCA” Spiro?

Hmmm. Bold claims, Sullivan, bold claims. Sadly, the image depicts only the final paragraphs of Spiro’s expert non-apology.  Let’s get that letter in full, shall we?

This leaves us with so many questions. Why are your sentences paragraphs-long? Why have you spelled ‘led’ two different ways? Why do you hate women?

Oh dear, oh dear Mr. Spiro. “A promise is only as good as the word that speaks it.” We’re not sure what that means, but it sounds broadly synonymous with “I’ve ruined my own career”.

Debate got progressively more heated. Screenshots were exchanged. People were tagged. Sadly, we can’t be bothered to publish any more, because it becomes about as fascinating as rowing chat.

Tagging your friends to back you up isn’t impressive.

Ok, that was the last one, we promise. We’ll leave you with this standalone gem:

Is that a challenge?

VERSA has great respect for Oxford’s dwindling population of still-somehow-clinging-on-to-relevance Union hacks. We wish each of them the best in their endeavours to get a life.