Versa | AshQ: ditch Christmas this year and become a vegan pagan instead

It’s that time of year again: the season when we’re assaulted, subverted and enslaved. Yes, Christmas. I don’t know if you’ve seen the Sainsbury’s public assault – or ‘advert’, as an empty brainwashed consumerist would call it – but it unknowingly reveals the true nature of this dreadful season. The firm uses the death and destruction of proletariats of the past to further their profit on poultry. Just as the First World War saw the death of millions in the name of imperial capitalism, so too does Christmas result in the destruction of countless individuals in the name of furthering profit.

Capitalism gone wild

It is almost as if these consumerist oppressors knowingly use their oppression of us to sell us things, as some kind of sick joke. It is not just in this form of assault or ‘advertisements’, but in the very way that we celebrate this holiday. These rituals in turn become mechanisms of oppression, causing us to reinforce our own oppression, and ritualising our own enslavement. I mean – ‘Father Christmas’. Do I really need to say anymore?

Come on! Well, firstly, ‘Father’. Of course the figure around which all festivities rely is patriarchal. Let’s just forget all the women who slave away in the kitchen all day and fixate around some man who just drops presents off and then fucks off to all the other houses, shall we? And does Mrs Claus even have a first name? No, of course not. She’s just some nameless woman defined by her husband. Father Christmas gets all the glory as he swans down chimney after chimney, whilst his other half is just forgotten. His forced entrance into the home is analogous with the violation of the household by consumerism. Homes across the world are forced to comply with these arbitrary ‘norms’, preventing us from achieving true authenticity and sacrificing our true identity to adhere to capitalist demands.

Similarly, our feeding habits further the subjugation of women. Our consumption of poultry is symbolic of society’s consumption of the female body. Just as we put a price tag on meat, we in turn transform women into meat and put a price tag on them. Poultry is always associated with eggs and female reproduction. What about a turkey’s opinions? What about the turkey’s job? Do female turkeys get paid the same as male ones? No one knows the answer to these questions, of course, as no one cares – just as no one cares about women and our eternal enslavement.

Actors having fun mocking the proletariat, all to line the pockets of Sainsbury’s

The ‘celebrations’ also demonstrate the neo-colonialist Western dominance in the capitalist globalised world order. Christmas, essentially, is an appropriation of Middle Eastern and Arctic culture. I mean, it’s centred on the Middle Eastern tradition of celebrating the birth of an Arab Jew who was an anti-colonial symbol of freedom against Roman imperial oppression. Yet we have enslaved this culture for our own purposes, with white choristers singing about three kings. As if this wasn’t enough, we then mix in – just for the hell of it, adding further insult to injury – a cheeky dash of Arctic culture. It is not our place to appropriate the likes of Lapland, reindeer and elves to further Western colonial dominance and the perpetuation of profit incentive.

What exacerbates this offence to the people of the Arctic is our continual conflation of it with Antarctic culture. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME, PEOPLE!! I mean, what the fuck do penguins have to do with Christmas?!?! They’re from the fucking South Pole. It’s summer in December in that hemisphere. This is just more evidence of Western Orientalism and the Northern Hemisphere’s global dominance. And almost to laugh in the polar cultures’ faces, our consumerist celebrations just contribute to their destruction. We’re melting them down to nothing whilst endlessly printing, burning and consuming images of their appropriated culture.

Wake up! Realise what you’re really part of next time you dig into a Christmas pudding or try to trim a Christmas tree to become the ‘ideal’ shape, just like we prune our own body hair to adhere to consumerist demands. Free yourselves from these colonial mechanisms of oppression and become a vegan Pagan with me this festive season! I was really influenced by my travels to India on my gap year and have become a spiritual person, so I reject organised religion. I’ll be having a celebration of the Winter Solstice in a field in rural Somerset during the Vac: comment below if you want to join me.

Call me Scrooge, but it’ll be huge. I hope you all have a horrible Christmas, plagued by guilt. Remember: every morsel of turkey you munch is just another bite of patriarchy. Peace out.

Tags: AshQ — Christmas — oppression