Moncrieff Club Founder Arrested After Violent Rampage VERSA

Editor’s note: Following publication of this article, Kelvin Keeley reached out to us and requested that we add the following statement from him.

“I deny any association with The Moncrieff Club. There are no conditions attached to my caution so I am not liable to be re-arrested, hence I did not breach any conditions. I deny swearing. I only started drinking aged 20. I have never seen the published invitation before. I may not find gainful employment after sinning but I hope God will eventually forgive me. I hope that people do not think of me as being either arrogant or vulgar.”

Versa can report that the founder of the ‘Moncrieff Club’, a new drinking society modelled on the infamous Bullingdon Club, was arrested last night outside Hertford College after assaulting several people.

Kelvin Keeley’s night had begun at OUCA’s weekly Port and Policy, at which he was “curt and unfriendly” . The following events however took place on the street outside the King’s Arms pub, and bear no relation to OUCA or the Port and Policy event.  

Keeley reportedly became verbally aggressive while outside the pub. He was asked to leave. Several eyewitnesses report that Keeley then attempted to return. He was throwing punches and screaming at various students. Eventually, he was restrained by a large crowd of pub-goers. The police however were called immediately after the first punches. 

He then retreated towards Hertford, claiming ominously that “he would be back”. He was arrested there and apparently told the police to, “fuck off”, even using the ‘c’ word. VERSA can also confirm from multiple sources that he spent the night in police custody,  and that an ambulance was called for two people. Keeley has been given a police caution, which will be held on his record for 6 years. During this time, he is liable to be re-arrested and prosecuted, if he breaks instructions given to him by police. It has emerged that less than an hour after his release, he was reported again to the police for breaching unspecified conditions of his caution. 

The Moncrieff club had previously been featured in an article in the Tab, with an anonymous letter leaked “cordially fucking invit[ing]” members to “enjoy the Bollinger” at a party due to be held on Friday the 7th of April. It also asked them to “make it rain” with “charlie”. It is also known for its low membership count of four. The Moncrieff club has been described as ,”A joke. They would never get into a decent club and after last night may rightly struggle to find gainful employment.”

“And you can keep your virgins, give me the free young with arses that forget to age” – the invitation letter from the Moncrieff Club

Keeley has been described by sources as being, “neither rich nor posh. He is astoundingly arrogant and vulgar and has lost most of his friends through his ridiculous … antics.” 

VERSA regrets that such individuals end up representing Oxford students.