Merton fails to show at its own games VERSA

Dispatches from the front last weekend saw the climactic conclusion of the infamous Merton-Christchurch war in the form of the Merton Street Charity Games 2016. With its roots in the first ever recorded attempt at banter from the place where ‘fun goes to die’, the ‘war’ spread from college to college as old tensions and rivalries exploded into outright conflict.

JCR after JCR weighed in on either side, pitting old adversaries such as St Catz and Magdalen against each other. Seeking to find a resolution, the two camps hurriedly met in secret negotiations, eventually settling upon a charity sports contest to decide who would be the victor. The ‘war’ was to be resolved through the ancient martial contests of netball, football and ultimate frisbee, and it was decided that each person entering would make a donation of £3 to War Child. War Child seemed appropriate for this ‘war’ due to its nature as a charity helping children affected by actual war.

The stage was set as teams from Christchurch, St Catz and Harris Manchester arrived at Merton Sports Grounds and prepared for battle. Yet Merton and their allies were nowhere to be seen… except, presumably, in a pile of textbooks. Not only did this mean that they were unable to take part in the games held on their sports ground and in their name, but that, as of the time of writing, they had not made any donations to War Child.

The teams which did turn up valiantly carried on however, and it was a good day of sport which raised £200 for a worthy cause. The Wildcats won the netball, the Cheepy Shunts took the football and the Democratic People’s Republic of Catz Ultimate Frisbee stormed to victory in the frisbee.

It’s a pity Merton couldn’t get out of the library really….