Brookes can bore off with its Oxford bashing. You love us really VERSA

The sun rises over the city of Oxford, and the reality sets in that having that extra shot or three in Wahoo was not as wise as you thought at the time. One tries to make sense of the drunken blur which was the last week.

You try to jig your memory and see what you can piece together. So many questions and so many regrets. Why did I get with one of my college parents? Why does anyone like PT? Will Mertonians ever develop a sense of humour? And the biggest question of them all: what in all that is good were so many Brookes students doing there?

They often mock us for being posh, conceited wankers. Yet they swarmed our Freshers’ Week events. It’s clear there’s a case of university-based Stockholm Syndrome going on. Yeah, you purportedly hate us, but repeatedly coming to our events suggests otherwise.

Now, our Headington brethren are often unfairly maligned. It’s important, as Oxford students, that we treat all occupants of this fine city with respect. Indeed, most of the Brookes hoardes happen to be quite nice. Yes, we may have a few more UCAS points than they do, and we may get to use pretentious Latin appendages when we get our degrees. However, the fact is, they’re the ones having a lot more fun with their lives – given the astonishing lack of contact time, and how they seem to spend most of their days watching Netflix.

And to be fair, even a solid old Netflix sesh would beat the travesty that was Brookes Freshers week. I know this how, you ask? Well, I was there, and can testify as to how shockingly awful it was. Bridge is insufferable at the best of times, but the Brookes event was about as lively as a funeral. I found myself longing for the return of the hacks to the smoking area. As for this ‘Fuzzy Ducks’ shite, who needs the introduction of a big fuck-off plastic duck to liven up dance-floor entertainment? It transpires Brookes students do – which, if I was ruder, would turn into a nasty metaphor.

With events that dull and lacking in atmosphere, can anyone really blame them for wanting to go to the 5 nights of carnage that constitute our university’s Freshers’ Week? They are paying £27, 000 for three years of Netflix, so they have to get their money’s worth somewhere, I suppose.

Tags: Brookes — freshers — freshers week — Oxford