Intrepid Keble first year, Ivanna Blue, announced in the JCR last night that she would be embarking upon a strict sports ban over the following week. The ban prohibits any form of exercise, including: rugby, hockey, lacrosse, and especially running. Ivanna has announced that she will begin this new monastic regime in order to realise her dream of passing into the hallowed realm of the Encore events rep.

During an interview with VERSA, Ivanna opened up about the obstacles that lay in the way of this Herculean task. Chief among these was the paranoia that she may be tagged in an incriminating photo on Facebook, or worse caught breaking into a little jog. She has been late to two of the last three tutorials she has intended, due to her insistence on not running and she has admitted that the ban has had a detrimental effect on her work as well as her social life. But, she is insistent that she will not jeopardise her chances of getting paralytic at the college bar on Saturday night.

The Bop is an opportunity that she has worked hard for throughout this term. Ivanna has been enduring gruelling 7:00 wake ups for six weeks now in order to get down to Iffley and buy herself a four pack of Special Brew at the Co-op’s opening hour. She spoke of her reluctance to squander all that effort now: “Listen, all that training, all the tears, there is no way I am going to give it all up now and go for a f***ing run”.

Ivanna has been known to represent Oxford across the country, defending the University’s night-life scene when challenged by mates from Newcastle and Bristol. She commented, “we’re not nerdy. Motion has nothing on a packed out Parkers.” Her commitment to University level drinking was signified in her recent profile picture change, where she sported two Anuba wristbands, captioning the photo ‘STASH’.

When VERSA initially contacted Ivanna she said “Listen I am just a serious competitor. Its who I am; its in my blood. I am alpha. As my college dad said, if you don’t leave Oxford with a first or a Blue … VK thrown up all over your trainers, why did you bother turning up in the first place?”

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