Exeter College has been keeping some students in a hotel. While the official story is that Cohen Quad’s still not finished, VERSA has some secret info: they are actually recording a reality show. This. Is. The Exeter Factor!

Day 1:

The 5 students assemble in the secret hotel.

The first to enter is Lucy, a second year fine arts student. Her latest project is entirely based on nipples and she aims to create a huge concrete nipple made of smaller concrete ones. Someone suggested she use small concrete penises instead as a comment on the patriarchy, but she rejected that idea because”politicising art is so 1993″.


The secret hotel, just off the Woodstock Roundabout…

Next is the reserved but charismatic Henry. He hopes to join MI6 when he graduates, but don’t tell anyone. As a Russian and French student he feels well-placed, but will not confirm whether he has been head-hunted. He catches sight of Lucy, sighs inwardly at her oversized denim shirt and baggy gap year trousers, and flicks a speck of dust off his unwrinkled chinos. He smiles and extends his hand with a polite, “How do you do?”

While Lucy and Henry are exchanging pleasantries, rugby player E&M student Gordon bursts in. “Sorry I’m late, lad and ladette- Oh Lucy! Long time no speak!”

Lucy groans. She got with Gordon back in freshers and has spent every day since then trying to avoid him. “It’s not that he’s a bad guy, it’s just… No, he really is a bad guy,” she thinks as he shoves her bag off the easy chair and sits down. She blows a bubble with her gum and smiles tightly.

Gordon is having a secret chuckle to himself about the night he deflowered Lucy. “Hasn’t she changed since then,” he thinks, when suddenly, absolute an absolute hottie walks in. “Oi oi, what’s your name?” the girl looks slightly irritated, says, “My name is Ellie. I’m just gonna go put my shit in my room. See you guys later.” and leaves. “What’s up with her?” asks Lucy. Henry looks momentarily uncomfortable but reveals nothing, when he says, “That’s Ellie. She does French and English.” Lucy looks knowingly at him.

There is an awkward pause, then broken by a shy knocking on the door. A small, bespectacled face peers around. “Excuse me, is this the Exeter Hotel?” It’s James, second year Chemist. Gordon grins. “Hey, James wasn’t it? Didn’t you try out for rugger?” James nods, “I didn’t get in though.” Gordon laughs, “No shit Sherlock! Well, here we all are, apart from the hot one, oh sorry, Lucy, no offence….”

“I don’t give a fuck what you think.”

“Methinks the lady doth protest too much, amirite lads?”

There is an awkward pause, everyone feels rather uncomfortable and Gordon’s smile fades. “Sorry Luce, that was out of line, I didn’t mean it. Come on, it’s just a bit of banter, lighten up everyone!”

Ellie returns with a sheet of paper. “This was in my room. It says that one of us will get sent down every week, but that the winner receives a £200 grant plus permission to wear a scholars gown.”

“But how do we win?”

Ellie says, “I don’t know. I guess we will find out.”

Gordon chuckles, “I reckon poor James here will be out of here first.”

“Leave him alone, you arse,” says Lucy.

“Aw Lucy, got a crush? Honestly, I am heartbroken, I thought you and I had a connection. Remember that special night?”

Lucy rolls her eyes and sighs.

Will James come out of his shell? Who is this mysterious Ellie, and what is her connection with Henry? Is Lucy going to have to choose between James and Gordon? Will Gordon’s chauvinistic ways continue? Stay tuned to find out!

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