It has been revealed that a philosophy tutor is making concerted efforts to conceal his strong dislike for the undergraduates he sees on a weekly basis.

The tutor, who holds a BA from Cambridge as well as a D. Phil, is trying his best not to let his antipathy for students interfere with his teaching.

Despite the frequently bland, moronic comments made by the first and second year students, the professor takes pains not to show his scorn.

‘Teaching is all about patience,’ he was quoted as saying in a recent interview. ‘So what if they think Leibniz is a type of biscuit? Doesn’t bother me.’

The educator’s apathy extends not only to his students, but also to academia, and in a wider sense, his own life.

‘My mother died yesterday,’ said the tutor, gazing vacantly out of the window. ‘Or maybe it was the day before. I don’t remember.’

Years of studying philosophy has purportedly given the 52-year-old a profound sense of worthlessness, leading his one remaining friend to describe him as ‘a bit of a bummer to be around’.

‘Sometimes I get home and ask myself: what’s the point?’ mused the sad, greying man. ‘I’ll microwave some soup for dinner and that’ll be the highlight of my day.’

The academic was last seen in a tutorial masking his deep hostility to life by passing a few vacant remarks about the weather, and his students’ tedious vacations.

This article has 2 comments

  1. for goodness sake

    journalism isn’t for you


    …Bloody love a good bit of satire

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