Morons have triumphed in the first two days of the annual NUS conference in Brighton, with delegates accidentally voting for a raging anti-Semite.

Moronic students at this year’s NUS conference were led to believe that they were being asked about where they had gone on holiday with their friends after A-Levels, not realising that they were electing their new president.

The surge in support for Malia Bouattia, a proud anti-Semite, has been interpreted by the fascist right-wing media as a sign that the delegates are anti-Semitic. But speaking to VERSA, a number of attendees offered another explanation.

‘I thought I was being asked about which Mediterranean island we had visited after my public exams before I went to study Hair-Dying in Other Cultures at Solihull’s renowned Andy Townsend University’, said one moron. He added ‘I probably didn’t read the question at the top of the piece of paper.’

A fellow moron stated: ‘None of us could work out what was happening. We all agreed to stop using fascist Facebook and Yik Yak, but then we couldn’t find out what was happening. We were just staring at blank phone screens. I just saw ‘Malia’ on the voting slip and thought “Oh, I went there once”.’

Said one confused attendee, ‘I didn’t realise that Malia had a problem with Jews, despite it being in all the fascist press. I just thought the island must have been part of Germany once, but then I didn’t study Geography so how was I meant to know?’

When asked how she felt once her mistake was pointed out, the student replied ‘I’m delighted. I believe Zionists control everything too!’. The NUS’s new governing body declined to comment when questioned over why candidates were so confused about what they were being asked. (Apart from Malia, who inquired whether VERSA was full of Jews.)

When asked if he thought removing English and Maths from the GCSE syllabus was a good idea, another delegate asked us to rephrase the question in simpler terms.

VERSA hopes that the NUS executive will become aware of the confusion engendered by the similarities in name, but until then we’re stuck with Bouattia, 


Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Optionally add an image (JPEG only)