Long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away… Okay, a couple of nights ago, in Oxford, what should have been the most exciting night in movie making history, since the invention of non-silent film, ended in tears, flames, and bitter disappointment.

Residents and students alike donned their best Chewbacca, Han Solo and Princess Leia costumes and tottered down to the Oxford Odeon to the much anticipated Star Wars premiere. Lightsabers stiffened in anticipation and Yoda voices imitated were. The atmosphere was full of merriment, nostalgia, and breathless nerdiness.

 

Star Wars

One box of sweet, another of salty, and a Mr. Juicy please

But then the tragic moment came: a fire alarm. Bewildered audience members were evacuated from the building and then milled about for a while outside the cinema, awaiting further instructions. They were told to go back into the cinema auditorium to sit in front of a blank screen, before once again being asked to leave.

Odeon Cinemas offered a typical, “we sincerely apologise for the disappointment”, with all the sincerity of a Barbie Doll on MDMA. Unimpressed PPE student and Han Solo lookalike Matt Sumption expressed his displeasure to VERSA: “It is no exaggeration to say this was an egregious example of incompetence, similar to that of the intelligence of the Rebels Alliance with regards to the Second Death Star in ‘The Return of the Jedi’. To break your only 3D projector AND send your audience home on the UK premier of the most anticipated film of the last 5 years- this truly was a cockup of truly galactic proportions.”

Versa hopes that the eager cinema-goers are given another chance to see the film before the plot is spoiled for them…

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This article has 15 comments

  1. I like my franchise better

  2. You are far too boring

  3. I would swipe right for Pete Johnstone

  4. Unnamed Corellian Trader

    Aren’t you seeing some dashing smuggler? I’d stay with that guy personally

  5. Confederation of Independent Sharmans

    I will stop trading with all of you. Pete, come back to the Dark Side.

    • Hi Elleanor! How are you? Why have you replied to none of my messages? Would it be possible for me to join the confederation of independent Sharmans? Perhaps we could meet up at some point to discuss this?

  6. BOTHAN SPIES ARE TRAAAIIIIITORRRRRRS

  7. THEREFORE, JOE MILES IS A TRAAAAAAITOR

  8. Finn "90 seconds" Lees

    I was interrupted by a fire alarm too

  9. I don’t get Star Wars – it doesn’t have enough conservatism and is full of rebellions = shamey shamey shame

  10. Well, they did give us free tickets and complimentary drinks for the next day, so could say they were genuinely sorry.

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