Naughty Catz freshers have taken to graffiti, drugs, and hospital visits to get through their first few weeks. That Norrington success doesn’t look like it’ll be repeated anytime soon! 

St. Catherine’s College doesn’t hit the headlines often. We believe its students are frequently preoccupied with other more important matters – contemplating brutalism and ennui amongst the concrete jungle, tunnelling à la Colditz for their planned escape, or simply still walking back from Trinity term’s lectures.

Fast forward to Michaelmas 2k15, and these funky felines have been impressing us here in the VERSA bunker/den/aether. Explanations vary, although Catz’ rapid rise through the Norrington ranks from 12th to 6th might well have persuaded the recent fresher intake that if they’re not careful they’ll lose their laissez-faire rep. With such antics as those documented below, we reckon they’re not in too much trouble. Good on you, Catz freshers – wheeling your reputation around (#sorrynotsorry).

 

1. Graffiti

Early indications of rebellious antics included a decanal denouncement before they’d even made it to Park End. Disgusted at the bizarre and just-a-little-bit-crap Barbara Hepworth sculpture that claims 1st place in the St. Catz beauty contest, a bunch of over-enthusiastic “artistes” realised UV paint would brighten up the walls of their prison college. They thought it looked a bit like a Jackson Pollock. The Dean thought it looked shit.

 

An absolute artistic disgrace. And a Barbara Hepworth statue.

 

2. Hospital trip

Although by now old news, we’re still pretty impressed how a certain fresher made her way to the JR before she even got to matriculation. OD-ear, poor girl. We sniff a bit too much excess. Maybe she was just catzatonic. Either way, she was certainly following the advice of Jo Johnson MP, Minister of State for Universities, who mooted amphetamines as a solution to less interesting nights out.

JJ2

3. Post-diluvianism.

Much though it sounds like a form of acid, this story has superficially nothing to do with drugs; although once you’ve read it, potentially. One student reportedly felt a little unclean after a night out (whether this is because he’d returned from somewhere grimy like Wahoo, or just arrived to somewhere like Catz is unclear), and so decided to run a bath and the sink (why would one need both? Definitely on Mkat-z…). Half an hour later, the student body’s perennial goal of college demolition was one step closer, after the overflowing water resulted in a small hole in the floor and scenes reminiscent of God’s attempt to destroy all evil in humanity. History, apparently, does repeat itself.

(disclaimer: some have alleged that this happened elsewhere, but it’s such Catz form we think they’d like this trophy).

 

4. Marking territory

Catz has to be careful. Were the sprawling metropolis of Occy to be analogised as Flanders’ fields, the most ancient and noble institution of the University of Oxford would stand as the Allied trenches, and Brookes would represent the Germanic forces (purely because of the geography of the city). In the middle, amongst the corpses and confused locals, one finds No Man’s Land – and Catz. This dangerous outpost has sparked territorial wars in recent weeks. One male Catz-ian (… Cat? Catherine? Catherinian? Fuck it…) was feeling quite chuffed with himself for having a cheeky snog with a Brookes girl on a night out – until her Brookes boyfriend came and punched his smug mug. Shots fired.

 

VERSA are chuffed that some freshers have a good sense of humour. Please share the love.

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