In a move that has literally sent shockwaves through the city, hundreds of eco-activists have laid waste to one of Oxford’s most prominent buildings
This act comes in the wake of one of Oxford University’s most astonishing, controversial stances yet. Today, in a statement that has devastated millions, the University has announced its long-standing commitment to exploiting the earth’s resources in the name of capitalism, profit, shareholders, the Vice-Chancellor’s annual salary, and Friedrich von Hayek.
Seeds of the revolution were planted last October, when OUSU – previously known for their remarkable impact on French politics – requested that the University invest in low-carbon sectors, and divest from organisations involved in the production of fossil fuels.
Their goal was decided. Their resolution was firm. James Rainey fixed the University Council in his steely gaze (recycled steel, of course) and they wriggled, squirmed…but eventually softened. The University agreed that they would think about it.
Whilst “thinking about it” is well-known as a classic revisionist move, OUSU and the Oxford University Fossil Free Campaign were generous. They allowed the matter to rest – for the time being.
But not forever. Today, the University issued a statement which left Oxford reeling. “The University Council had a good discussion of the issues and agreed to consider the matter further at a future meeting.”
A “good discussion of the issues”? A “future meeting”? This kind of smoke-and-mirrors obfuscation has proved appallingly, comprehensively unacceptable. Those Green Party and OUSU members who have lingered on after term are left inconsolable. (Most students, like insects fleeing a fumigated room, are currently departed for the vacation. It’s almost as if they don’t care.)
Those troops who remain, however, have found themselves emboldened by the (LED) fires in their hearts and the absence of visible rain: today they took to the Admissions Building – the institution most obviously associated with University fuel policy – and quickly reduced it to rubble. “It’s no more than that pillar of wasteful kyriarchy deserved,” observed Alexander Trafford, a third-year Pembroke student, as unnecessarily printed-out copies of personal statements fluttered at his feet. “Those stones could feed ten thousand people for a year.”
VERSA holds its breath in anticipation of the University’s next mercenary, rapacious move. And as for the eco-warriors? Nobody knows when they’re coming. Nobody knows who they are. Nobody cares. But we’ll be waiting.