A collection of some of the world’s brightest minds’ take-downs of students. Feel good at their expense, for free!

In light of the recent receipt of Oxcort reports (or not, as the case may be), VERSA is happy to be able to remind you that things could be worse. Although unfortunately not all of these are accompanied by photographic evidence, VERSA is more than happy to testify as to the veracity of these quotes…

1. One tutor clearly did not take kindly to a Hugh’s historian’s essay (or indeed, the esteemed historian himself):

“Thin, unconvincing and juvenile. In other words, an effort entirely characteristic of you.”

Shots fired.

2. This effort from a student’s collection (now dating a few years back), might go some way to explaining their poor Norrington Table performance over recent years (and let’s be honest here, probably the college’s entire history too).


3. Some tutors just know how every Oxford student feels, always:

“Can I just stop you there? It’s just, I feel like you use a lot of big words to hide the fact you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

4. Other tutors felt a return to traditional ways might work best (what, in Oxford?!):

Edited greats 1Edited greats 2

5. Another Somervillian’s tutor really managed to hit on the struggle of so many Oxford students:

“Did you start drinking half way through writing this essay?” 

Followed later by simply:

“Still drinking?”

6. And some tutors seemed to think that their students hadn’t properly understood the assignment:

“This [essay on Chaucerian romance] is supposed to be an Oxford-level essay, not an advice column in a magazine”

7. A recent Oxcort report for one finalist did not bode too well for June:

“‘Q’ has failed to comprehend the basic concepts of microeconomics…. It would be helpful if they spent more time listening and less time staring out the window in tutes. Perhaps then they would be able to save themselves from the trajectory towards a 2.2 they are currently on”

8. Other tutors found positives in their students’ struggles:

“At least this didn’t take long to mark. 12%.”

9. A meta-comment on the rest of this article from one foreseeing Arabic tutor?255174_10152311743755010_2052225083_n


VERSA wishes you all a pleasant vac of revision for Trinity exams…


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  1. Pingback: VERSA | 7 reasons to just give up and apply for a postgrad

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